Why Your Child's Brain Isn't Ready (And Why That's Perfect)
A parent messaged us last week, anxious because their 5-year-old still can't write his name. Another mum at kinder keeps mentioning how her daughter already knows the alphabet and can count to 100. Should she be doing more learning activities at home? Is he behind?
I took a breath and typed back: "His brain isn't ready yet. And that's not just okay, it's perfect."
A few years ago, our Wildings Co-Founder Nicki sat down with renowned neuroscience educator Nathan Wallis on the Raising Wildlings podcast. What he shared changed everything we thought we knew about early learning. Today, as we're opening enrolments for Term 1 2026, we’re reflecting on this conversation because it's the why behind everything we do at Wildlings.
The Research That Changes Everything
Here's what Nathan shared, backed by neuroscience and international research:
The human brain isn't ready for literacy and numeracy until somewhere between 7 and 8 years old.
Not 4. Not 5. Seven to eight.
And here's the kicker: The countries that produce the best readers in the world (Finland and the Scandinavian countries) don't introduce literacy until age 7-8.
They consistently top the international PISA scores for literacy. Not despite waiting. Because they wait.
Nathan explained it like this: Your brain develops in four stages: survival, movement, emotion, thinking/learning. Each stage has to come online before the next one can fully develop. The frontal cortex, where pattern recognition and symbolic thinking (aka reading and writing) happens, doesn't reach center stage until 7-8 years.
When we force academics at 4 or 5, we're asking a child to do something their brain literally isn't wired for yet.
But here's what absolutely stopped me in my tracks:
"Whether a child learns to read at 4 or at 7.5, by the time they're 8 years old, you cannot tell the difference. But the children who learned to read at 4 have statistically higher rates of anxiety and depression as teenagers."
Let that sink in.
Starting early doesn't give them an advantage. It gives them anxiety.
What Happens When We Push Too Early
Nathan was part of a committee advising New Zealand's Minister of Education on why boys' educational outcomes were falling behind girls. After a year of research, here's what they found:
The main thing driving boys' failure in the education system is the first two years of primary school, when they're forced to do a cognitive curriculum two years before their brain is ready.
Think about it: Two years of being asked to do something you literally can't do yet.
Two years of hearing:
"You're not trying hard enough"
"You need to focus"
"You're lazy"
"Why can't you sit still?"
By the time that boy is 7.5 and his brain is actually ready for literacy, he's already internalized: I'm dumb. I hate reading. I can't do this.
This isn't about intelligence. It's about dispositions: how a child feels about themselves as a learner.
And here's the thing that hit home for me as a parent: How your child feels about learning matters more than their IQ.
A child with a high IQ who feels dumb, inadequate, and afraid of getting it wrong will struggle far more than a child with average intelligence who believes they're capable, curious, and resilient.
What Children Actually Need (Ages 2-7)
So if they don't need academics, what DO they need?
Free play.
Not adult-directed activities. Not structured learning. Not enrichment classes.
Free. Child-led. Messy. Unstructured. Play.
Nathan talked about research by psychologist Peter Gray and researcher Ellen Sandseter, who identified the types of play that are essential for child development:
Play with great heights (climbing trees, scaling rocks)
Play at high speed (running, biking, rolling down hills)
Play with dangerous tools (knives, saws, real tools, not toy versions)
Play near dangerous elements (fire, water, cliffs)
Rough and tumble play (wrestling, play fighting, physical games)
Play where they can "disappear" or get lost (exploring beyond sight, secret dens)
If your child isn't experiencing ALL of these regularly, they're missing crucial developmental experiences.
Not because you're a bad parent. But because our culture has made these types of play nearly impossible without intentional effort.
The Power of Failure (And Why We Need More of It)
Here's what Nathan said that I think about constantly:
Imagine a 4-year-old in free play who decides to dam a river.
They try. It fails. Water rushes through.
They try again. It fails again.
They adjust. They problem-solve. Maybe they get help from a friend.
Eventually, on about the 20th attempt, they successfully dammed the river.
What did they learn?
Not just how to dam a river. They learned:
Perseverance through failure
To focus attention for extended periods
That trying again is how you succeed
That they're capable of solving hard problems
Now compare that to a 4-year-old sitting at mat time being asked, "What color is this? What number comes next?"
Right-wrong answers. Get it wrong once, they stop putting their hand up.
Fast forward to 15 years old:
The child who dammed the river: Gets depressed. Try jogging (doesn't work). Tries adjusting their diet (doesn't work). Tries spending time with grandparents (starts to help). Keep generating solutions until they find what works.
The child who learned right-wrong answers: Gets depressed. Try jogging (doesn't work). Thinks they got the wrong answer. Give up. Locks themselves in their room. Gets more depressed.
This is why the research shows: The more free play children have under age 7, the lower their statistical chance of anxiety and depression.
Because they've learned that failure is part of the process. That they can persevere. That they can generate creative solutions.
The First 1000 Days
For those of you with babies and toddlers, Nathan had something powerful to say:
"If I could change one thing, I would structure society so that every child stayed home with their most loving parent for the first 1000 days of life."
The first 1000 days (birth to about 2.5 years) are the foundation for everything that comes after.
This is when attachment happens. When the emotional brain (the limbic system) is center stage. When that dyadic relationship (that one-on-one bond) literally wires the brain.
Nathan put it beautifully: "It's biologically, neurologically impossible to overindulge or spoil a child in the first year of life."
Now, I know that's not possible for everyone. Nathan put his own kids in childcare as babies. They're fine. It doesn't wreck children.
But if you ARE working, choosing values-aligned care becomes crucial.
Not just somewhere safe. Somewhere that understands attachment. That prioritises relationships over curriculum. That lets babies be babies.
What This Looks Like at Wildlings
This research, this understanding of how brains actually develop, is the foundation of everything we do.
Nature Play Group (Babies to 3 years)
We don't do flashcards. We don't teach colors or numbers.
We prioritize:
Attachment: Parent and child together, building that bond
Sensory play: Mud, water, sand, sticks, leaves
Movement: Gross motor development through natural play
Community: Building your village with like-minded families
Because this is what the brain needs in the first 1000 days. Connection. Exploration. Safety. Love.
Forest Kindy (3-6 years)
These are the years when brains are wired for PLAY, not academics.
So we provide all 8 types of play Nathan describes:
Climbing trees (great heights)
Running through the bush (high speed)
Whittling with pocket knives (dangerous tools)
Playing near creeks (dangerous elements)
Wrestling and rough-housing (rough and tumble)
Building secret dens (disappearing/getting lost)
Jumping from logs (impact play)
Watching older kids before trying (vicarious play)
We're not "getting them ready for school." We're giving them exactly what their developing brain needs.
And you know what? They're MORE ready for school because of it. Because they've developed:
Confidence
Resilience
Problem-solving skills
Emotional regulation
The belief that they're capable
Homeschoolers (3-15 years)
Nathan shared fascinating research: 12 out of 13 creative geniuses throughout history were homeschooled.
Why? Because homeschooling removes the ceiling.
In a classroom, the teacher focuses on the kids who are behind. The kid doing 13-year-old maths at age 10? They're fine, they don't need attention.
But at home? Or in our homeschool programs? If you're 10 and ready for 14-year-old maths, we move to 14-year-old maths.
We follow the child's developmental readiness. No arbitrary age-based academics. No forcing literacy before the brain is ready. No ceiling on learning.
Just child-led exploration, skill-building, and community.
After School (4-12 years)
After a day of sitting still, following instructions, and doing what they're told, your child needs a reset.
They need to:
Move their body
Make their own choices
Take risks
Play freely
Remember they're capable
This isn't babysitting. This is essential brain development.
This is how they regulate after a dysregulating day. How they reconnect with themselves. How they remember that learning can be joyful.
This Is Your Permission Slip
If you're reading this and thinking:
"But my 5-year-old can't write their name yet..."
"But the other kids at kinder are already reading..."
"But what if they're behind when they start school..."
Breathe.
Their brain isn't ready yet. And that's perfect.
The research is clear. The neuroscience is clear. The international evidence is clear.
Starting early doesn't help. Waiting until they're ready does.
If you're feeling pressure from grandparents, other parents, or even your child's preschool to push academics, this is your permission slip.
Trust the research.
Trust your child's developmental process.
Trust that play is not wasting time. It's building the foundation for everything that comes after.
Want to Hear the Full Conversation?
Listen to the complete podcast episode with Nathan Wallis here
He covers so much more:
Why boys and girls develop differently
The impact of birth order on brain development
How Māori parenting traditions align with modern neuroscience
What happens in the teenage brain
His recommendations for the best books on child development
Recommended Resources Nathan Mentioned:
Bruce Perry: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog
Gabor Maté's work on trauma and development
Daniel Siegel: The Whole-Brain Child and Brainstorm
Harvard University child development resources
Brainwave.co.nz
The Bottom Line. You only get these years once.
The first 1000 days. The play years from 2-7. The foundation that everything else is built on.
You can spend them pushing academics that the brain isn't ready for, creating anxiety and "I'm dumb" dispositions.
Or you can spend them giving your child what the research says they actually need: Free play. Nature connection. Real challenges. Time to fail and try again. The space to become confident, capable, resilient humans.
Term 1 spaces are limited, and we can’t wait to see you in the forest!
Wildlings Forest School
P.S. Still not sure if Wildlings is right for your family? Email us here and tell us what you're looking for. We'll give you an honest answer, even if it's "this isn't the right fit for you right now." We're here for the children, always.
